continuing conviction

God continues to convict my heart. Conviction lays heavily on the mind if you are not willing to embrace it, and it frees you if you are. The sermon this morning, too, pierced my heart. I know, intellectually, that God is of infinite worth, but there are things coming in the way of my heart totally embracing this truth. I was almost blinded by a feel good moment too. The question in my mind right now is why is it so stinking hard to fight for a joy that I've tasted and desire more of. But I know the answer--life isn't about having a string of feel good experiences, it's not about mere happiness. The Enemy seeks to destroy faith and hope and joy, he seeks to blind us from experiencing Jesus the way He is calling us to experience Him, and I can feel the weight of that fight. Before I was deterred from fighting because I was tired, I'm still tired, but that's because I've been trying to do this myself. I've not sought leadership, I've only complained about the lack of it. And instead of love filling my heart I've frankly just been annoyed with various people in my life. People who love me and have served me, and what was my response? To react with anger and bitterness rather than self-sacrifice. I've completely forgotten what Paul was talking about in Philippians 2:

"If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from His love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being likeminded, having the same love, being one in spirit and in purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others."

I thank God for Megan. She came and gave me a hug goodnight and told me she loved me. I didn't deserve that. I don't deserve such great roommates. They're a blessing from God. He's loving me through them. God has been faithful to me. In my unfaithfulness He has not disowned me. All I want is to cling to my God, by grace through faith, not of my own work but of His. My only hope is in Him. I am completely in love with my Savior because He first loved me (1 John) and nothing is going to tear me away from Him. I've just been skimming Philippians, and I think I would really like to do a Bible study on it.

Oh, and Norway this summer is 90% certain.