every day is a day you have to engage in battle against the enemy, fighting to believe God's truth, that He loves us and that His love is better than life.

As strongly as I believe that, I find myself fighting to believe that in my heart. Sometimes it's because I just don't want to fight anymore. So I fall back on old things...right when I am content, the Enemy reminds me that, ok, yeah, I do want a relationship and I definitely am not in one and that makes me less worthy as, you know, a 'woman'. When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. That's a quote by one of my favorite guys-Paul. He's second favorite, though. Maybe someday he'll be third favorite.

I definitely used to ask (bitterly) why relationships mattered so much to people, and especially women. I still ask, but now I know it's what God made people for. It's a huge amazing thing that absolutely shouldn't be taken lightly. Honestly, I'm really afraid of that. How could I ever be good enough to handle something like that? I'm way too messy (literally and spiritually/mentally/emotionally). But I'll answer my own question: it's not about how good you are. it's not about me at all. It's about God, about trusting Him, and really giving Him His rightful place at the center of your heart.

Man, everyday we have to fight. Every moment. Sometimes I get overwhelmed. But here's the answer He gave me awhile ago, and here's the answer I'll cling to now:

29 Then I said to you, "Do not be terrified; do not be afraid of them. 30 The LORD your God, who is going before you, will fight for you, as he did for you in Egypt, before your very eyes, 31 and in the desert. There you saw how the LORD your God carried you, as a father carries his son, all the way you went until you reached this place." -Deut 1:29-31

God is my hiding place, my refuge.