an answer to the questions
Well, as I sit here, it is 2:30 in the morning, can't sleep because I drank too much diet coke, and there's maybe just too much going on in my head.
So, briefly: I went to my endocrinologist today (that's a doctor who specializes in the endocrine system, of which diabetes is in the realm), and it was my first time. I signed up to see a woman, but I was first interviewed by, basically, an intern type doctor (not a resident, I think he was a full doctor, but still a man) and so I got to be asked all the embarrassing questions by him. It's ok, I got through the awkward moment, but there was one question which I have always of late been asked which always turns out some kind of funny. That is, 'do you drink alcohol?' Of course, I say no, and he says 'really?' Of course he doesn't believe me at first. But then I had to say, 'oh wait, I have had some alcohol, but after a few sips I was thoroughly disgusted, so I drank diet coke. diet coke is my alcohol.' That's what I said. And he kind of laughed...and there you go. Maybe it wasn't so funny as it was awkward and very likely suprising to him. Anyway, so there's my story, on to more profound thinking.
The questions I asked myself came together in an answer this afternoon. Of course, the answer to all those questions could be summed up like this: "Christ is most precious, most valuable, most beautiful to me...and by His grace, that will NEVER change no matter what happens in life...Christ is ALL." There was, however, another answer, which I think was God's way of telling me, hey, I know you're messy, I love you anyway, come back to Me. And it was, of course, from Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge. Good book...I admit, there are a couple of times where it gets so cheesy that I cringe, but most of it I read and wonder if they were stalking me before they wrote this book because that's how much it describes my longings, my heart, my life. It's a long part, so I won't write it, but, wow...it was just good. Nourishing. It made me feel not crazy that I'm so passionate and, well, fierce in my devotion, above all to Christ Jesus but to other things as well. Like my family, my friends, my convictions. Ok, all those things center around God anyway. But sometimes that scares me, because I don't want to be swept away in my emotions, I want to hold to the Truth. But I believe God gave us a heart, a tender and fierce heart (and I'm speaking specifically about women now, I don't really understand men's hearts too well), He gave us a heart to LOVE others and with the desire to BE LOVED by Him first of all, but also by one 'him'. This is basically from Captivating, and the book talks a lot about relationships which is why it's been on my mind so much lately.
I feel ready for anything, and not so much like an idiot as before.
I also saw the movie Crash tonight. It was intense...eye opening. and heartbreaking. I know it's just a movie, but it was a movie that was meant to say something about who we are, just as people. It talks mainly about racism...not just the traditional white people against everyone, but everyone against everyone. And it hurt to watch it. It made me think about who I hang out with, why I hang out with them, why I'm scared to walk alone at night, and while granted, walking alone at night as a girl IS dangerous, still...I don't know. God is growing my heart for the nations. I was talking to a friend tonight about business (yeah, me talking about business, weird, but it's a true story) and we were talking about how China and India are the next big ones, which I believe, I was in one of those countries this summer and I see it, especially because, personally, I think that they're more hardworking as a whole, but yeah. It is obvious that God is moving there. And I LONG to be part of it. I long to spread a passion to others to be part of it. Which leads me to believe even further that EdgeCorps would be a good decision. And also, I need to know more about what's going on in the world, so I'm thinking of subscribing at least to a newspaper or something. We don't have cable, so none of the all the time news stations are a possibility. I don't know. I'm getting random here.
So, briefly: I went to my endocrinologist today (that's a doctor who specializes in the endocrine system, of which diabetes is in the realm), and it was my first time. I signed up to see a woman, but I was first interviewed by, basically, an intern type doctor (not a resident, I think he was a full doctor, but still a man) and so I got to be asked all the embarrassing questions by him. It's ok, I got through the awkward moment, but there was one question which I have always of late been asked which always turns out some kind of funny. That is, 'do you drink alcohol?' Of course, I say no, and he says 'really?' Of course he doesn't believe me at first. But then I had to say, 'oh wait, I have had some alcohol, but after a few sips I was thoroughly disgusted, so I drank diet coke. diet coke is my alcohol.' That's what I said. And he kind of laughed...and there you go. Maybe it wasn't so funny as it was awkward and very likely suprising to him. Anyway, so there's my story, on to more profound thinking.
The questions I asked myself came together in an answer this afternoon. Of course, the answer to all those questions could be summed up like this: "Christ is most precious, most valuable, most beautiful to me...and by His grace, that will NEVER change no matter what happens in life...Christ is ALL." There was, however, another answer, which I think was God's way of telling me, hey, I know you're messy, I love you anyway, come back to Me. And it was, of course, from Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge. Good book...I admit, there are a couple of times where it gets so cheesy that I cringe, but most of it I read and wonder if they were stalking me before they wrote this book because that's how much it describes my longings, my heart, my life. It's a long part, so I won't write it, but, wow...it was just good. Nourishing. It made me feel not crazy that I'm so passionate and, well, fierce in my devotion, above all to Christ Jesus but to other things as well. Like my family, my friends, my convictions. Ok, all those things center around God anyway. But sometimes that scares me, because I don't want to be swept away in my emotions, I want to hold to the Truth. But I believe God gave us a heart, a tender and fierce heart (and I'm speaking specifically about women now, I don't really understand men's hearts too well), He gave us a heart to LOVE others and with the desire to BE LOVED by Him first of all, but also by one 'him'. This is basically from Captivating, and the book talks a lot about relationships which is why it's been on my mind so much lately.
I feel ready for anything, and not so much like an idiot as before.
I also saw the movie Crash tonight. It was intense...eye opening. and heartbreaking. I know it's just a movie, but it was a movie that was meant to say something about who we are, just as people. It talks mainly about racism...not just the traditional white people against everyone, but everyone against everyone. And it hurt to watch it. It made me think about who I hang out with, why I hang out with them, why I'm scared to walk alone at night, and while granted, walking alone at night as a girl IS dangerous, still...I don't know. God is growing my heart for the nations. I was talking to a friend tonight about business (yeah, me talking about business, weird, but it's a true story) and we were talking about how China and India are the next big ones, which I believe, I was in one of those countries this summer and I see it, especially because, personally, I think that they're more hardworking as a whole, but yeah. It is obvious that God is moving there. And I LONG to be part of it. I long to spread a passion to others to be part of it. Which leads me to believe even further that EdgeCorps would be a good decision. And also, I need to know more about what's going on in the world, so I'm thinking of subscribing at least to a newspaper or something. We don't have cable, so none of the all the time news stations are a possibility. I don't know. I'm getting random here.
For none of us lives to himself alone and none of us dies to himself alone. 8If we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord. Romans 14
posted by The Girl With Something to Say @ 11/05/2005 02:33:00 AM
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