right now I feel vastly unmotivated and completely overwhelmed. I just want to quit. I want to quit school, I want to quit being visible to people, I want to quit life. I'm tired. I'm confused. I don't know where I'm going. I know I'm angry down there somewhere too, but it's manifesting itself as a general feeling of weightyness. And I have to think critically for two final papers. And I've realized how shallow my interaction with God has been the last couple of weeks. Where have I turned? Certainly not to Him. And I feel it. I always feel it, but I always find myself in places where I do what I hate.

Based on biblical texts and ideas, I believe He's letting me feel like this, in order that I might trust Him and let go of the worldly things I depend on. "Yet even now," declares the Lord, "return to me with all your heart, with fasting and weeping and mourning. Rend your hearts and not your garments." Joel 2.

So I say to myself:
My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God? My tears have been my food day and night, while men say to me all day long, "Where is your God?" These things I remember as I pour out my soul: how I used to go with the multitude, leading the procession to the house of God, with shouts of joy and thanksgiving among the festive throng. Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. My soul is downcast within me; therefore I will remember you from the land of the Jordan, the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar...By day the LORD directs his love, at night his song is with me—a prayer to the God of my life. I say to God my Rock,"Why have you forgotten me? Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy?" My bones suffer mortal agony as my foes taunt me, saying to me all day long, "Where is your God?" Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.

At least I'm not the only one who's ever felt this. Why does life get harder all the time? Will it ever get better? "In this world you will have trouble, but take heart, I have overcome the world." My only hope is Christ. I cling to Him...no, I don't have the strength. He clings to me. He keeps me. He will be faithful. By His grace and mercy I will finish the race. I will finish.