Inevitabilities
Inevitability #1: writing a blog entry when I'm writing a paper the night before it's due.
Inevitability #2: writing a paper the night before it's due, no matter how good my intentions may be to get it done earlier.
Inevitability #3: things always change.
I received a phone call today that rocked my boat a little bit about the future. It staggered me at first, as I realized that the first of my expectations I held for it was shattered (though this shattering was not necessarily devastating, just disappointing). But it was good to realize that despite this new information I still desire to do what I think God is calling me to do.
On Friday, too, I realized the inevitability of change, and today's events confirmed this realization, but in a different way. Letting go is a must, trust is mandatory, and loving boldly is more necessary now than ever. But what does that look like? It should look patient, kind, not envious, not jealous or rude or boastful, but bearing all things, enduring all things and hoping all things. It should be wonderfully and beautifully biblical. But as the situation seems to endlessly go opposite of the way I want it to go, I realize again that I need God to love like this, because I don't have the capacity. Am I being painfully vague? Well, I'm doing it on purpose.
As a dear friend and I were talking today about what it means to love, especially those who are hard to love, this C.S. Lewis quote came to mind:
“Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket--safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”
This quote meant a lot to me a couple of years ago during a hard time with a guy I was involved with. Having long moved past that circumstance, having been encouraged by it, I now am remembering this quote feeling convicted. People have asked me lately who I'm close to and it's been really hard to come up with anyone. I tell people things, but I don't usually let them see me hurting, and if I do it's on accident, when they're sitting in my dining room unexpectedly. I shut people out from what I'm really feeling, and yet one of the things I long for most deeply is intimacy in my friendships, but even more deeply, with Christ. I'm understanding this thought on love...it's hard. Trully loving people means you will almost always get hurt in some way, whether it's by a person's rejection or failure to come through for you or even the end of a friendship. I have been failed by others and I have failed others numerous times, as I'm sure is the same for you.
But this is where God calls us to seek Him for our deepest needs of being loved and feeling like we matter. The failure of others, the lonliness you often feel when choosing to love someone boldly and biblically ought to call us to embrace the lonliness we feel and seek God there. The joy of finding Christ is what we are meant to find when we seek Him there.
"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us." Romans 8:18
"The sorrows of those who run after another god shall multiply;
their drink offerings of blood I will not pour out
or take their names on my lips.
The LORD is my chosen portion and my cup;
you hold my lot.
The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance."
Psalm 16:4-6
Inevitability #2: writing a paper the night before it's due, no matter how good my intentions may be to get it done earlier.
Inevitability #3: things always change.
I received a phone call today that rocked my boat a little bit about the future. It staggered me at first, as I realized that the first of my expectations I held for it was shattered (though this shattering was not necessarily devastating, just disappointing). But it was good to realize that despite this new information I still desire to do what I think God is calling me to do.
On Friday, too, I realized the inevitability of change, and today's events confirmed this realization, but in a different way. Letting go is a must, trust is mandatory, and loving boldly is more necessary now than ever. But what does that look like? It should look patient, kind, not envious, not jealous or rude or boastful, but bearing all things, enduring all things and hoping all things. It should be wonderfully and beautifully biblical. But as the situation seems to endlessly go opposite of the way I want it to go, I realize again that I need God to love like this, because I don't have the capacity. Am I being painfully vague? Well, I'm doing it on purpose.
As a dear friend and I were talking today about what it means to love, especially those who are hard to love, this C.S. Lewis quote came to mind:
“Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket--safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”
This quote meant a lot to me a couple of years ago during a hard time with a guy I was involved with. Having long moved past that circumstance, having been encouraged by it, I now am remembering this quote feeling convicted. People have asked me lately who I'm close to and it's been really hard to come up with anyone. I tell people things, but I don't usually let them see me hurting, and if I do it's on accident, when they're sitting in my dining room unexpectedly. I shut people out from what I'm really feeling, and yet one of the things I long for most deeply is intimacy in my friendships, but even more deeply, with Christ. I'm understanding this thought on love...it's hard. Trully loving people means you will almost always get hurt in some way, whether it's by a person's rejection or failure to come through for you or even the end of a friendship. I have been failed by others and I have failed others numerous times, as I'm sure is the same for you.
But this is where God calls us to seek Him for our deepest needs of being loved and feeling like we matter. The failure of others, the lonliness you often feel when choosing to love someone boldly and biblically ought to call us to embrace the lonliness we feel and seek God there. The joy of finding Christ is what we are meant to find when we seek Him there.
"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us." Romans 8:18
"The sorrows of those who run after another god shall multiply;
their drink offerings of blood I will not pour out
or take their names on my lips.
The LORD is my chosen portion and my cup;
you hold my lot.
The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance."
Psalm 16:4-6
posted by The Girl With Something to Say @ 4/11/2006 09:46:00 PM
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